Family Issues

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.  Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.  In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus.  Philippians 2:1-5


I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be a member of a church and what a church body should look like.  During difficult days, it's easy to look at another church body and wish you could be there.  It's happy there, people love each other there, it isn't awkward there.  My church has been wrestling through some family issues in the last few months, if not years, and it's made me wonder what the root problem is and how I can fix it.  There's been lots of offenses and hurt feelings that have appeared to me to be downplayed.  Lots of families have left--not just any families, but families of church leaders, families who have been there forever.  This is not just a small bunch of little kids whose feelings were hurt when someone told them they needed to follow the rules.  That point cannot be made strongly enough.  I'm not a supporter of seeker-friendly churches, but I am a supporter of a church that is member-friendly.

I think it's very telling of both the leadership as well as the members when these family issues fester over the course of months and years.  Since when can a family not communicate with itself?  Isn't that the heart of true dysfunction?  If we are a picture of a body, it seems that we have some kind of neurological problem since we cannot send signals that we are experiencing pain until we are so injured that amputation is needed.  It's been easy for me to pinpoint what problems I see in my leaders, but it wasn't until recently that my husband pinpointed our part in this problem--we have not been friends with the people we go to church with.  He remembers a time when he was friends with other church members.  They met after church for meals; they spent time together; they talked about everything, not just life (what's-been-good-on-television) stuff, but spiritual things because it was an overflow of their lives, not because they had been given a list of discussion questions to talk about at the end of a chapter.  Since when does a family need a list of questions in order to have a conversation?  Church members are a family, not a group of stockholders.

For months I've become irritated when our leaders have spoken from the pulpit about the congregation needing to be more open with each other when I have yet to see them be open with us.  And while I still feel that that issue is very valid, I need to see it first in my own life and seek to change that in my life before I can approach anyone else for his or her offense.  I need to be inviting more people into my life.  I need to sacrifice some of my family time for church family time.  Maybe it's time for us to carve out time from youth sports, homeschooling, hobbies, a perfectly clean house, baking, school projects, and me time in order to make ourselves a family with our fellow believers.  The church isn't a non-profit corporation wherein we keep things on a professional level.  The very essence of family is that things are on a very personal level.  And if we are to be one body, we need to know where we are hurt in order to know how to minister and aid in healing ourselves.

This is not a resolved piece or situation.  I have debated whether I should post this or just file it away somewhere in the recesses of my computer.  However, there have been lots of conversations around me about what the problems are and what the focus needs to be.  I have not been able to find a voice in the conversation other than writing out this piece and talking with my husband and hopefully through both of these methods I've been able to sort through things in my mind.  I share this now with you in order to continue the conversation.