December 5th 2015

Sometimes when I'm tired, I like perusing through Facebook posts and when I come to the end of the "new" news, I occasionally move on to look through Pinterest. Something is different, though. Tonight, it's like everything is yelling at me to pay attention to it. LOOK AT ME! THIS WILL IMPROVE YOUR LIFE! YOU MUST HAVE/DO THIS!

Stop.

Sometimes it's good to listen to the advice of others so they can help you figure out what works in life, but sometimes it's good to shut out the other voices and forge your own way.

This is my third baby and fourth pregnancy. I have been given a lot of information on breastfeeding, sleep issues, relaxation, and stress management. I cannot do it all. There simply isn't time, energy, or honestly inclination to do it all. I look around my house, feeling no energy. None. She cried a lot at me today and even though I spent much of it away, I do not have any energy or inclination to progress in any duty I have been given. I can maintain at best.

Thank God for G right now. He still has goober moments, don't get me wrong, but the man has been a source of strength I intuited that I would need in my life. So many words, stories, voices, well-meaning all of them, but in the roar of it all, I'm able to hear him best when he tells me not to worry. He's proven himself over and over to me that he's got a good head on his shoulders and way more often than not what he says makes sense and works.

Now that I've been married for a few years, I sometimes think about a literature lesson I got from someone who should not have been teaching literature. We were reading Anne Bradstreet's poetry and when we read "To My Dear and Loving Husband," she explained that this poem was written on a good day of marriage. Real, every day marriage was not like this--it was hard work. And there is truth to that. There is work to allow oneself to be hurt or leaned on for the benefit of someone else. However, it's these moments of peace, these moments of success that feed those days when you're spent on someone else.

The Immigrant Debate

There have been a lot of thoughts and actions and reaction to this topic by people who are better informed than I am and those who believe that they are better informed than I am based solely on my opinion. I think that if anyone says that the answer is obvious hasn't fully considered both points of view. It's obvious to me that I want my family to be safe. But the complicating part is that I don't want it to be at the expense of the safety of another family. My family's life isn't worth more than theirs is simply because they belong to me.

It would be so easy for me at this point to diverge from the specifics and complain about how the issue is rooted in man's sin nature and this wouldn't be a problem if it weren't for Adam's sin, but I'm kind of tired of hearing about that and I suspect many others are, too. So, I acknowledge that sin did enter into the world through Adam's sin, but I'm not going to make him take the fall for the sins that have been committed since then. This is us now wrestling with sins we and others are committing now.

Before I listen to the persuasions of any other person in the media (conservative or liberal), I must first take into account what the Bible says or doesn't say on the subject. And so far I have yet to come across a verse that obviously supports closing off a country's boarders to immigrants. Leviticus 19:33-34 says: 

"When a foreigner resides among you in your land, do not mistreat them. The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt. I am the Lord your God."
Deuteronomy 10:19 says:

And you are to love those who are foreigners, for you yourselves were foreigners in Egypt.

One might argue that since those are Old Testament verses, they don't apply to a New Testament church. Since there are no New Testament verse that cover the subject at all, I don't think one can make that claim. Oh, but as a resident of the State of Alabama, am I not called to live under the subjection of my governing rulers and support the decision not to take in Syrian immigrants? That is where it's complicated in my mind. I'm not in a governing position and I do not have the same access of information that the governor has, so I'm not in any position to make or reverse a decision.

But what about the deaths of non-believers in America? Am I so willing to put their lives on the line? And that's where the issue is complicated. I can compel believers to act according to the calling with which they are called, but I don't believe that the unbelieving world has the same calling of being a living sacrifice. I cannot expect them to believe or behave the same way as me and America is far from being a Christian nation. So, I really can't make a call on our nation as a whole.

So, why write about this at all? Why possible disagree with governing authorities if there's nothing you intend to do or think you can do about it? Why admit that there isn't a call I can make for our nation as a whole? I wanted to address the attitudes of those I've seen expressed online. The attitude expressed by some of my fellow Christians bothers me. Some have acted as though American lives are more valuable than foreign lives and that simply isn't true. Some have posted articles indicating that this is part of a massive plot for terrorists to get into American by appealing to America's bleeding heart. I think it would be incredibly ignorant to say that the immigrants are all terrorists or all just peaceful families seeking asylum. It is very likely that it's a mixed bunch. So, what should we do with a mixed bunch?

I can only go back to the Biblical principles I've noted before. It doesn't make human sense to invite a threat in amongst us, but this attitude of self-preservation at the expense of others isn't right. My life is not more valuable than another mother's life with her two children and pregnant with another trying desperately to get her family to safety. I will submit to my governing authorities. I'm not going to try to bring in immigrants illegally into my state. However, I'm not going to live my life in fear instead of compassion. These families are as a deserving of safety as mine is and I'm not going to treat them less human than anyone else simply because they were born somewhere else.

The Death of Me

My daughter is going to be the death of me. She's an intense little person and you never have to wonder where you stand with her. And she's loud. She's loud-happy, loud-sad, loud-angry. And she's going to be the death of me. By that I mean that the need for "me time" is going to start dying away. The need for my goals to be accomplished is going to die away and somehow after the death of these things will arise a better mommy who is much more willing to stop doing what I want to do in order to do what she needs me to do. And that's a good thing, but death is always painful and I'm still dying now.

A Not Too Serious Look at Proverbs 31

I suspect I’m not the only mom out there who sometimes feels a sense of dread anytime our pastor reads Proverbs 31. She is the standard by which we feel like we’ll never measure up to fully.

A wife of noble character who can find?

    She is worth far more than rubies

Her husband has full confidence in her

    and lacks nothing of value.

She brings him good, not harm,

    all the days of her life. —Proverbs 31:10-12

Ok, first off, I have to remind myself that this was written by Solomon’s mother, so this is a description of good queen material. Let’s not forget that. This chick had resources that the average housewife doesn’t. Granted, we have better technology than she had, but practically speaking, an appliance doesn’t really compete with having servants just like a good playlist doesn’t compete with a live band or orchestra.

And it’s also interesting to me that we start out with her husband having confidence in her. That’s a pretty big deal. He has *full* confidence in her from the very beginning, not after the list has been brought out. I think many wives can rise to the occasion when their husbands trust that they can handle a given situation. And I submit to you that perhaps the reason she does him good and not harm is because he has confidence in her. Ok, so that’s the temperature of the situation.

She selects wool and flax

    and works with eager hands.—Proverbs 31:13

The “eager hands” is what gets my heart here. I don’t often work with eager hands, unless I’m eager to be done with the work. Also, I’m not positive about this, but this whole wool and flax deal sounds like she may be a crafting type person. Reminds me of those burlap wreaths. And if this is a crafting type person, I’m sure she does have eager hands when working on something she wants to work on and maybe isn’t interrupted a million times while trying to finish. *gasp* I think I figured out why she’s eager. She wants to quickly finish her fun project before the littles come bursting through the door asking for a dozen different things that she alone can get.

She is like the merchant ships,

    bringing her food from afar.—Proverbs 31:14

Clearly, she does some grocery shopping. And a word of encouragement to all you ladies who feel pressured to only buy local, the Proverbs 31 woman didn’t. So walk into that chain grocery store with confidence and buy those bananas with a smile knowing that you’re emulating the Standard.

She gets up while it is still night;

    she provides food for her family

    and portions for her female servants.—Proverbs 31:15

There are a few things here that stand out to me. Either she’s got insomnia or understands that if you don’t get up before everyone else, nothing really gets done. Maybe both. I don’t really like the idea of sleep deprivation, but maybe the encouragement is to use that time awake wisely. Note: if you’re up with a crying baby, I believe that would fall under the category of providing food for your family. 

Have you noticed the other thing yet? The servants, yes! Good answer! Yes, this chick has resources! And if you start in on justifying how we’re in the same boat simply because we have appliances, I will stop you right now. Appliances are not people. Appliances do great work for us and work more steadily than servants probably do. However, they are not an extra pair of eyes that you know are likely helping her watch out for her children. *insert social commentary on how society’s main problem is lack of village mentality*

She considers a field and buys it;

    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

She sets about her work vigorously;

    her arms are strong for her tasks.

She sees that her trading is profitable,

    and her lamp does not go out at night.

In her hand she holds the distaff

    and grasps the spindle with her fingers.—Proverbs 31:16-19

Oh, what could we say about this chunk? First off, I don’t understand how she has earnings after just having bought something. Maybe that’s more of her savings? Anyhow, it is pretty obvious to me that this is a mom who works outside the home. The sleep deprivation is explained! She doesn’t have time to sleep! Am I the only person who’s now starting to feel sorry for this poor woman?

Before I move on, again I’m convicted at the vigor of her work. I’m one of those people who has days of insane productivity and then a few days in between where I’m not worth shooting. The consistency is admirable and an area I often fall very short in. It also seems to me that she exercises. I also fall pretty short in that area as well. I could go off on beauty culture and how we need to be happy with our bodies and yadda-yadda-yadda. However, I do believe that I could stand to prioritize my time better and could stand to include exercise in there.

She opens her arms to the poor

    and extends her hands to the needy.—Proverbs 31:20

This is very convicting to me. The only help I’ve practically given the poor and needy is donating my old stuff to a local rescue mission. It’s stuff I didn’t want and was looking to get rid of. It hardly qualifies as opening my arms to the poor. This is definitely something I want to figure out how to change in my life. My hat is off to you moms out there who have adopted a child with a group like Compassion or who take in foster children or anything else like that.

When it snows, she has no fear for her household;

    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

She makes coverings for her bed;

    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.—Proverbs 31:21-22

Dressing yourself and your family nicely is Biblical. Also, decorating your household is Biblical. So, anytime you feel guilty for buying nice clothes or home decorations, stop!

Her husband is respected at the city gate,

    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.—Proverbs 31:23

Am I the only one who thinks that this seems a bit lazy in comparison with everything this woman is doing? What’s this guy doing sitting down with all this work to be done? I joke. I do think that a man who has a honorable wife is also respected because of her.

She makes linen garments and sells them,

    and supplies the merchants with sashes.—Proverbs 31:24

In case you missed it before, she works outside the home.

She is clothed with strength and dignity;

    she can laugh at the days to come.

She speaks with wisdom,

    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.—Proverbs 31:25-26

You know why she’s laughing at the days to come? Probably because she’s looking forward to retirement!

She watches over the affairs of her household

    and does not eat the bread of idleness.—Proverbs 31:27

This strikes me as someone who rarely eats fast food. I don’t know why. Maybe because when I veg out, I eat a lot of carbs.

Her children arise and call her blessed;

    her husband also, and he praises her:

“Many women do noble things,

    but you surpass them all.”—Proverbs 31:28-29

Ok, so I want to camp out here a bit. This is the first time children are mentioned. At all. If you’re like me, it’s kids non-stop most days. “Don’t push,” “Take that out of your mouth,” “Look at Mommy, look at Mommy, look at Mommy, LOOK AT MOMMY WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU!” seem to be my daily mantras. So, this passage seems to indicate to me that this is an empty-nester. Maybe that’s why she’s sleep deprived. She’s reached that older-person-doesn’t-need-as-much-sleep phase of life I’ve heard rumors about. So, moms with kids in the house, I believe this is what you would call a game changer. There is a huge amount of expectation we place on ourselves to get work done + play with our children + teach our children + feed our families + take care of ourselves + a ton of things I’ve probably forgotten. This woman’s children were at least old enough to talk. And unless they were raised with a certain Mommy Dearest mentality, children are likely not to call a mother blessed until they are adults. So, take heart! This is a list of qualities for someone who doesn’t have the constant interruptions mothers with littles have. The rules are different. Industrious-ness looks different in a mother with littles.

Again, I’m struck by how her husband encourages her. It’s amazing in my life when my husband has encouraged me how it has given me energy to do what needs to be done.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.—Proverbs 31:30

I take this as a warning not to be too caught up in attaining an ideal body for swimsuit season. I’m pretty sure you can get that from the original Hebrew.

Honor her for all that her hands have done,

    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.—Proverbs 31:31

I believe that this is a good verse to encourage our families by. It is Biblical for people to brag on their mommies and since it’s written by and taught by a woman, I think we can extrapolate that it’s important for us to teach our families to brag on us. 

So, after looking at this passage as a whole, we can better understand our goal as well as where we are allowed to give ourselves grace/let ourselves off the hook. Older ladies with empty nests need to maintain momentum in their activities. This passage is does not seem to be speaking to young moms. It kind of feels like we’re on our own. But, there’s some freedom in the silence. I think that silence on this subject is an indication of an abundance of grace for moms of little kids. There are general principles we can apply from the passage—be industrious, spend time taking care of the needs of your family. And I think some days that means for moms to spend the day breastfeeding a baby in bed all day in order to “up” her milk supply. Some days it means ordering pizza for dinner (bringing in food from afar). Busy yourself with your families and by doing so, you are the Proverbs 31 woman.

Together

I thought that being an adult meant that I would have it together. Other adults seemed to have it together. Women knew how to do their make up, wear clothes that made themselves look nice, have interesting things to talk about. Perhaps I'm just now understanding that the ability to make ourselves look as though we have it together does not mean that we do in actuality have it all together. Oh, and very often it seems that those who are so desperately trying to look as though they have it together are the ones whose worlds are swirling completely awry.

None of us have it together. It will never be together. We will never be completely autonomous beings without need of anyone or anything else. We need so much. I'm becoming more and more aware of how much I need friends, fellow believers, to invade my life, encouraging me, holding me accountable, living out faith with me.

Dear Mr. Graham

Dear Mr. Graham,

I recently saw your status about martyrdom of the Egyptians Christians. It is frustrating that there is seemingly no justice for these murders of people who are innocent of anything that should lead to their deaths. However, it's odd to me that you seem surprised at the world's response to it. It's true that if Christians had beheaded twenty-one Muslims, there would have been a huge outcry, but I think you're missing something key. Jesus told us that we would share in His suffering. Jesus told us the world would be against us. Why are you surprised that what He said is true? The world will never side with God's people and really, it should surprise us when they do.

I would agree that we do need to be prepared for any potential persecution. I don't look for persecution, however, I think it's incredibly arrogant to think that we're above it. It's sharing in Jesus' suffering which is what we've been called to do. Jesus has warned us, prepared us, and will continue to work in us. Perhaps we've been fat and happy too long in our country. Perhaps it would do our souls some good to share in the burden of His sufferings.

I do wish that you had not ended your status on such an ominous tone. I have only read this one status update, so I really have no idea how often you speak of the hope to come and the assurance believers have in Jesus. Going on this post alone, I wish that you had finished your thought with the rest of the story. Yes, there is suffering on earth. Yes, we are called to share in Jesus' suffering. Also, yes, we are promised rest in the presence of God when we leave this world. Please do not leave out our hope in the face of possible persecution.