I suspect I’m not the only mom out there who sometimes feels a sense of dread anytime our pastor reads Proverbs 31. She is the standard by which we feel like we’ll never measure up to fully.
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life. —Proverbs 31:10-12
Ok, first off, I have to remind myself that this was written by Solomon’s mother, so this is a description of good queen material. Let’s not forget that. This chick had resources that the average housewife doesn’t. Granted, we have better technology than she had, but practically speaking, an appliance doesn’t really compete with having servants just like a good playlist doesn’t compete with a live band or orchestra.
And it’s also interesting to me that we start out with her husband having confidence in her. That’s a pretty big deal. He has *full* confidence in her from the very beginning, not after the list has been brought out. I think many wives can rise to the occasion when their husbands trust that they can handle a given situation. And I submit to you that perhaps the reason she does him good and not harm is because he has confidence in her. Ok, so that’s the temperature of the situation.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.—Proverbs 31:13
The “eager hands” is what gets my heart here. I don’t often work with eager hands, unless I’m eager to be done with the work. Also, I’m not positive about this, but this whole wool and flax deal sounds like she may be a crafting type person. Reminds me of those burlap wreaths. And if this is a crafting type person, I’m sure she does have eager hands when working on something she wants to work on and maybe isn’t interrupted a million times while trying to finish. *gasp* I think I figured out why she’s eager. She wants to quickly finish her fun project before the littles come bursting through the door asking for a dozen different things that she alone can get.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.—Proverbs 31:14
Clearly, she does some grocery shopping. And a word of encouragement to all you ladies who feel pressured to only buy local, the Proverbs 31 woman didn’t. So walk into that chain grocery store with confidence and buy those bananas with a smile knowing that you’re emulating the Standard.
She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.—Proverbs 31:15
There are a few things here that stand out to me. Either she’s got insomnia or understands that if you don’t get up before everyone else, nothing really gets done. Maybe both. I don’t really like the idea of sleep deprivation, but maybe the encouragement is to use that time awake wisely. Note: if you’re up with a crying baby, I believe that would fall under the category of providing food for your family.
Have you noticed the other thing yet? The servants, yes! Good answer! Yes, this chick has resources! And if you start in on justifying how we’re in the same boat simply because we have appliances, I will stop you right now. Appliances are not people. Appliances do great work for us and work more steadily than servants probably do. However, they are not an extra pair of eyes that you know are likely helping her watch out for her children. *insert social commentary on how society’s main problem is lack of village mentality*
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.—Proverbs 31:16-19
Oh, what could we say about this chunk? First off, I don’t understand how she has earnings after just having bought something. Maybe that’s more of her savings? Anyhow, it is pretty obvious to me that this is a mom who works outside the home. The sleep deprivation is explained! She doesn’t have time to sleep! Am I the only person who’s now starting to feel sorry for this poor woman?
Before I move on, again I’m convicted at the vigor of her work. I’m one of those people who has days of insane productivity and then a few days in between where I’m not worth shooting. The consistency is admirable and an area I often fall very short in. It also seems to me that she exercises. I also fall pretty short in that area as well. I could go off on beauty culture and how we need to be happy with our bodies and yadda-yadda-yadda. However, I do believe that I could stand to prioritize my time better and could stand to include exercise in there.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.—Proverbs 31:20
This is very convicting to me. The only help I’ve practically given the poor and needy is donating my old stuff to a local rescue mission. It’s stuff I didn’t want and was looking to get rid of. It hardly qualifies as opening my arms to the poor. This is definitely something I want to figure out how to change in my life. My hat is off to you moms out there who have adopted a child with a group like Compassion or who take in foster children or anything else like that.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.—Proverbs 31:21-22
Dressing yourself and your family nicely is Biblical. Also, decorating your household is Biblical. So, anytime you feel guilty for buying nice clothes or home decorations, stop!
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.—Proverbs 31:23
Am I the only one who thinks that this seems a bit lazy in comparison with everything this woman is doing? What’s this guy doing sitting down with all this work to be done? I joke. I do think that a man who has a honorable wife is also respected because of her.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.—Proverbs 31:24
In case you missed it before, she works outside the home.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.—Proverbs 31:25-26
You know why she’s laughing at the days to come? Probably because she’s looking forward to retirement!
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.—Proverbs 31:27
This strikes me as someone who rarely eats fast food. I don’t know why. Maybe because when I veg out, I eat a lot of carbs.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”—Proverbs 31:28-29
Ok, so I want to camp out here a bit. This is the first time children are mentioned. At all. If you’re like me, it’s kids non-stop most days. “Don’t push,” “Take that out of your mouth,” “Look at Mommy, look at Mommy, look at Mommy, LOOK AT MOMMY WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU!” seem to be my daily mantras. So, this passage seems to indicate to me that this is an empty-nester. Maybe that’s why she’s sleep deprived. She’s reached that older-person-doesn’t-need-as-much-sleep phase of life I’ve heard rumors about. So, moms with kids in the house, I believe this is what you would call a game changer. There is a huge amount of expectation we place on ourselves to get work done + play with our children + teach our children + feed our families + take care of ourselves + a ton of things I’ve probably forgotten. This woman’s children were at least old enough to talk. And unless they were raised with a certain Mommy Dearest mentality, children are likely not to call a mother blessed until they are adults. So, take heart! This is a list of qualities for someone who doesn’t have the constant interruptions mothers with littles have. The rules are different. Industrious-ness looks different in a mother with littles.
Again, I’m struck by how her husband encourages her. It’s amazing in my life when my husband has encouraged me how it has given me energy to do what needs to be done.
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.—Proverbs 31:30
I take this as a warning not to be too caught up in attaining an ideal body for swimsuit season. I’m pretty sure you can get that from the original Hebrew.
Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.—Proverbs 31:31
I believe that this is a good verse to encourage our families by. It is Biblical for people to brag on their mommies and since it’s written by and taught by a woman, I think we can extrapolate that it’s important for us to teach our families to brag on us.
So, after looking at this passage as a whole, we can better understand our goal as well as where we are allowed to give ourselves grace/let ourselves off the hook. Older ladies with empty nests need to maintain momentum in their activities. This passage is does not seem to be speaking to young moms. It kind of feels like we’re on our own. But, there’s some freedom in the silence. I think that silence on this subject is an indication of an abundance of grace for moms of little kids. There are general principles we can apply from the passage—be industrious, spend time taking care of the needs of your family. And I think some days that means for moms to spend the day breastfeeding a baby in bed all day in order to “up” her milk supply. Some days it means ordering pizza for dinner (bringing in food from afar). Busy yourself with your families and by doing so, you are the Proverbs 31 woman.
