I've been told most of my life by various people who have various different types of relationships with me that the best things in life are free and by that they mean that those things don't cost money. Snuggles with a baby, holding hands with a loved one, the complete adoration that can only come from a dog, all these things aren't things that can be bought, though I suppose you can buy a dog and thus gain affection from it, but work with me--I'm making a point.
Almost three months ago I gave birth to my third child and second child I'm getting to keep for awhile. She's beautiful. Just beautiful. I had a late term ultrasound to check on her before she was born and on that 3-D image, I could see that my little girl had the most kissable chubby cheeks. Just darling. And she still has them. And this time has been much easier than last time. With my first child, I had no idea the cost. He cost my energy, my looks, what little emotional stability I had, my comfort, my sleep, my time, what felt like my everything. There were days when I wondered why we decided to have kids. It did not feel worth the cost. The crying, oh, the urgency that comes with a newborn's cries! And how to fix it? I'd heard parents laugh about how they wished their children came with user's manuals, and I found it to be true. And it wasn't a joke, but a serious reality--why couldn't someone else tell me how to do this? "Just get to know your child and you'll know better than anyone else" or "Go with your mommy gut" didn't help me at all. And everyone else seemed to know everything about children, but they all disagreed and how in the world did anyone KNOW how to do this?
Time passed and I gained more mommy hours and learned, SLOWLY, how to be my firstborn's mommy. And then we started getting more sleep. And we started being able to better communicate. His cries changed from the generic "Fix it now, Mommy!" cries to "Hey, my tummy is hurting" or "I'm starving, FEED ME NOW!" And then, one special day, he smiled. He started smiling more often. And the cost didn't seem so much.
With my second "here" child (who is currently crying to either be fed or get up from her nap which was entirely too short), I still see the cost--nursing, time, energy, looks (stretch marks look like tiger stripes on my sides). And there's still cost for my now-toddler. He needs interaction, love, hugs, food, nap times, discipline, running, repetitions of, "Yes, Buddy, I see the big truck." Motherhood costs so so much. And it's worth it. It's costing me so very much and it's worth every single investment because these smiles, these hugs, these "I wuv you, Mommy"s are worth every sleepless night and every moment of frustration.
