I have a friend coming this weekend. I'm kind of excited about it, not only because she's my best friend who lives far away, but also because she's willing to come to my house. I live half an hour to forty-five minutes away from my "local" friends and not only do I feel self-conscious about inviting them to come see me, but often times they aren't able or willing to do so. I mentioned to a friend how I was looking forward to this and it occurred to me how important it is to have something to look forward to.
I have a feeling that the reason why the day after (or even the afternoon of) Christmas day is so depressing is that we've spent so much time looking forward to it and it's depressing to have it over and done with. They say that brides often become depressed after they get married because the day they've been looking forward to has passed. I suspect that it's very important to have days to look forward to with anticipation. Day to day life can carry with it a feeling of hopelessness. Having something to look forward to can be motivation to keep going. And I need motivation right now.
I imagine that may be part of the reason God established days of feasting in the Old Testament. Mankind needs events to look forward to. And then it hit me how special it is to be living in this part of history--Christ has come and brought "salvation full and free," and yet the story isn't over yet. We still have the second coming to look forward to. Perhaps that's part of why the idea of eternity seems boring--all that time of that same thing. If we only knew what that "same thing" was like, we wouldn't find even the idea of it to be boring.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Guidance
I have a new car! A mommy car! Ok, it is technically a used car, but it's new to me and that's what counts. The thing I love best about this new car is the speakers. I know that car speakers are notorious for being really crappy and my last car indeed had crappy speakers. However, these sound wonderful, especially when compared with the others. I have bass now. Really bass, not just a rattling in the speakers. And for the first time I listened to the soundtrack to the movie "Phantom of the Opera." While listening to it and marveling that my baby fell asleep while it was playing, I was struck by a phrase from one of those sweeping songs: to guard you and to guide you.
One summer at a Christian sports camp, I took part in an activity that was suppose to build trust. I don't remember why we were building trust with people we'd never me; but since I'm a follower and not a leader, I don't question. I did fairly well as a follower, making little stumbles, but nothing too awful--my guide was pretty good. None of us were perfect at it, but we all managed to follow each other along in a line. And then we switched. I had to guide the person who had been my guide. Things were going pretty well until we walked along the side of a hill. The hill wasn't terribly steep if you were walking along with sight to guide you, but the gravel was tricky and a few people slipped a little. My person completely wiped out and fell head over heels down that gravelly hill and all I could do was watch in horror as she skinned and bruised her legs and arms. She later said she felt ok and it wasn't my fault, but oh how wrong she was. I was her guide and it was my fault.
I've been married almost three years. Long enough to know that I don't know squat about marriage. And short enough to be insecure at times. And I have always thought that I'm as naturally submissive as any fallible human can be. I was wrong. During a Bible study lecture on submission, the speaker noted that submission isn't just lip service, but submitting deep in our hearts. She said that it was difficult to do this with anyone, but it's very challenging to do this with our husbands even in their failures.
When I heard that phrase, "To guard you and to guide you," I began to think of my time at camp and what a horrible guide I am. Granted, I'm not as bad as Lucky, the German Shepherd guide dog who led four of his owners to their death (true story!), but I really do stink at guiding. And in that it occurred to me how difficult it must be for my husband when he's guiding me to see me fail, even if he wasn't the direct cause of my failure. He takes it in stride, but it still must be a bit of a personal blow to him when I do. Even though I haven't been married long and all, knowing that kinda helps me.
One summer at a Christian sports camp, I took part in an activity that was suppose to build trust. I don't remember why we were building trust with people we'd never me; but since I'm a follower and not a leader, I don't question. I did fairly well as a follower, making little stumbles, but nothing too awful--my guide was pretty good. None of us were perfect at it, but we all managed to follow each other along in a line. And then we switched. I had to guide the person who had been my guide. Things were going pretty well until we walked along the side of a hill. The hill wasn't terribly steep if you were walking along with sight to guide you, but the gravel was tricky and a few people slipped a little. My person completely wiped out and fell head over heels down that gravelly hill and all I could do was watch in horror as she skinned and bruised her legs and arms. She later said she felt ok and it wasn't my fault, but oh how wrong she was. I was her guide and it was my fault.
I've been married almost three years. Long enough to know that I don't know squat about marriage. And short enough to be insecure at times. And I have always thought that I'm as naturally submissive as any fallible human can be. I was wrong. During a Bible study lecture on submission, the speaker noted that submission isn't just lip service, but submitting deep in our hearts. She said that it was difficult to do this with anyone, but it's very challenging to do this with our husbands even in their failures.
When I heard that phrase, "To guard you and to guide you," I began to think of my time at camp and what a horrible guide I am. Granted, I'm not as bad as Lucky, the German Shepherd guide dog who led four of his owners to their death (true story!), but I really do stink at guiding. And in that it occurred to me how difficult it must be for my husband when he's guiding me to see me fail, even if he wasn't the direct cause of my failure. He takes it in stride, but it still must be a bit of a personal blow to him when I do. Even though I haven't been married long and all, knowing that kinda helps me.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
I haven't blogged in so long. Part of that is because I used to have a blog and as friends will attest, I shared way too much personal information on there. I have a tendency to say too much and since I married someone who is the opposite of me in that way, I've come to realize that discretion was too underrated to me. And thus, I decided to clam up to the world.
However, I am a writer by nature and even if my writing doesn't measure up to the Annie Dillard standard, I must write in order to have sanity. I've been a little insane lately. And thus I am now starting to blog. My life right now consists of home making. How boring that sounds, but in reality it's not that bad. Every job has areas that become tedious.
I am married and have an almost ten month old little boy who has recently learned how to crawl (kind of). I cook, clean house, and attempt to organized all the stuff we've acquired. (It's amazing the amount of stuff, just STUFF, we have lying around that we mysterious have become responsible for.) I don't really know what this blog will be about, so I guess I'll leave it open for now.
However, I am a writer by nature and even if my writing doesn't measure up to the Annie Dillard standard, I must write in order to have sanity. I've been a little insane lately. And thus I am now starting to blog. My life right now consists of home making. How boring that sounds, but in reality it's not that bad. Every job has areas that become tedious.
I am married and have an almost ten month old little boy who has recently learned how to crawl (kind of). I cook, clean house, and attempt to organized all the stuff we've acquired. (It's amazing the amount of stuff, just STUFF, we have lying around that we mysterious have become responsible for.) I don't really know what this blog will be about, so I guess I'll leave it open for now.
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