Food

I have been on this diet for two months.  And I'm starting to get over it.  I know I should keep it up--I've lost weight, my acne is clearing up (unless I cheat), I have lots more energy.  It's stinkingly super healthy.  Oh, but baby, I miss sugar and grains.  Praise God for almond flour and Stevia and watermelon, or else I would not have made it this far!  A few months ago I was having a conversation with my mentor and she confronted me on some idols of the heart I had, the biggest one being comfort.  I comfort myself a lot with food and body image.  I want to feel comforted by being told that I look good and yet, I also want to be able to eat raw cookie dough as often as I want.  Completely unrealistic, but hey, I want what I want regardless of reality.


I've had a couple of Moments about it.  In the evening something will trigger it and I'll start crying to my husband about how tough this is and he encourages me and makes new suggestions and tell me how awesome I've done so far.  And then it occurs to me how very connected my life is to food.  First, it really shouldn't be a big deal to abstain from eating certain foods.  The main purpose of food is to nourish, not to bring pleasure.  Second, my job in my family is to oversee meals and housekeeping.  So, this whole not-caring-about-what-we're-having-for-dinner is merely an excuse not to do my job.  I had an out while I was pregnant and when the Mouse-kee was little bitty, but now it's become laziness.


And it's time to stop whining about it and just do it.  Granted, the limitations take out quite a few meals that I would be fairly happy to make.  Up until now, I've seen this as yet another aggravation.  Not only do I have to cook, but I also am not allowed to use these things.  No, it is not another load, but an opportunity to be creative about this.  I've also been reminded of the seriousness of where my lifestyle was headed.  I was headed toward diabetes, which, yes, can be managed.  However, there are complications in having diabetes.  And I am not willing to comfort myself with food I like at the risk of putting myself and my family at risk of something bad happening to me.  That may sound narcissistic, but I don't think it's too far a stretch to think that (at least at this age) I'm a pretty essential part in my son's life.  So, I press on.  Be prepared, though.  I will likely write more about the whole food thing later on.  It's kind of a big deal to me right now.