Sometimes I feel like I'm still adjusting to married life. My other siblings live in the same town we grew up in and get to see each other fairly often. My husband and I only live an hour away, but somehow there seems to be more distance between myself and my family than the miles between us. It was difficult on all of us when I got married. None of us knew how intentional we would have to become about seeing each other and I had thought that we would go there at least once a week. We don't. Life got busy and yet, I still somehow have time to miss being there.
Maybe the separation wasn't originated in my marriage, but when I went away to college. My siblings would remark on how I'd changed--not in a positive way, but with resentment in their voices. Ever since college I've been at arm's length, but while I was single, it was easier to make myself part of the family again. Now even though it's just three of us right now, it's tough to get us all anywhere together. I miss my immediate family. I miss my extended family, too. I used to be so close to so many of them. It seems we've become acquaintances.
Worse, some of my family, I don't like anymore. In a way, I blame Geoffrey's influence. I've changed since we got married. I spend less time talking about how much I hate drama and more time making myself let go of getting worked up over it. I'm not going to be able to go to my extended family's reunion and I've very mixed feelings on it. I miss them. "Miss" isn't strong enough a word for it. Deep in my heart, I yearn for that fellowship we used to have--laughing so hard I started tearing, talking late at night about secret things, feeling the burden someone else is carrying.
On the other hand, they have changed as well. My uncles aren't what they used to be. There's less laughter and more debates. It seems that we've all gotten very, terribly serious about so many things: convictions, politics, relationships. Escaping the severity of that seriousness is nice. I long for those days when I was younger because those were the days when I was unaware of so many turmoils. We laughed; we shared; we all knew that we loved each other.
Perhaps those days will come around again. I think young children bring that back. My cousins and I have started the next generation. Maybe with the pitter-patter of little feet, we'll all regain the laughter and love.
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