A few days ago I listened to a sermon excerpt from one of Mark Driscoll's sermons. It was the one where he screamed at young men for mistreating women. He told the men that she was "God's daughter" and "HOW DARE YOU?" I have nothing against that part, although the passion with which he speaks would wear me out if I went to his church. Since then, I've thought about that phrase, "God's daughter." It's been a very market-able phrase. Just flip through any CBS catalog and there you will find pink Bibles, devotionals, all very pro-female paraphernalia. It smells very similar to Disney princess paraphernalia. "You can do it!" "Follow your heart!" "Daughter of a King" Can you just smell the cucumber melon?
When I found out I was going to have a daughter, I had the same reaction as I did when I found out I was going to be having a son. "What in the world am I going to do with a child of this gender?" I did know instantly that I wanted to avoid princess-y things. If she had anything of that in her personality, it would be healthy enough without any encouragement. Having a son is pretty simple to me--raise him to be a godly man--strong, protective, kind, etc. Having a daughter is somehow a mystery, though I am also a daughter. There are so many nuances to being a female in this American culture. There are those women who fight for causes. There are those who pursue home-making. There are those who desire power in their careers. There are those who pursue academics. So many different types, I dare not try to describe each.
What type of woman should I encourage my daughter to be? "Just follow your heart" is nonsense since Proverbs teaches us that the heart is deceitfully wicked. And there aren't many Bible verses about what young women should do other than serve their husbands and children which women are not guaranteed. Recently Kirsten Dunst was bashed for her comments on how a man should be a man and a woman should be a woman. I don't disagree with the idea, but I want to be cautious how that idea is defined and applied. If you're looking for a definition from me about what a woman should be, you might as well stop reading right now. I'm still wrestling with that idea. Maybe by the time I'm in my 80s I'll have something to report.
I am struck with what I'm sure a woman isn't. While it's true that a Christian young woman is God's daughter, that does not give her license to behave in a "princess" fashion. Young women get this idea of entitlement from being called "princess" or sometimes from being called "God's daughter." Yes, it is a position of strength and power, but that shouldn't be used to sit primly on a cushioned chair in self-righteousness. It's a position of action.
I wonder what the reaction of the general Christian population would be if there were T-shirts with "God's Son" written on the chest. (Let's not even go into the fact that "God's Daughter" is printed across the chest of girls' T-shirts.) It's true. It occurred to me this morning that while I am God's daughter, I'm also married to one of God's sons. Instead of wondering how he's been treating me as one of God's daughters (where the heck are my bon-bons????), I started wondering how I should be treating him.
One of the things I love about Neo Raphaelite paintings is the depiction of the relationship between the men and women. It strikes me as so empowering to both parties. The men are gentle with the women and the women are encouraging to the men. Perhaps I read/see too much of a message in these paintings, but since the artists aren't here to correct me, we'll go with it. I think young women often get so caught up in the romanticism of being this princess "and we get to wear these cool dresses and oh, look at my hair, and I'm so regal" that they forget about what they're supposed to be doing.
Which brings us back to what a girl should be doing. Specifics are all either ridiculous or stereotypical to me right now, so I'm sticking to what I wrote earlier. I'm not going to try to define femininity. Not going to happen. I will, however, say that it should be the goal of all Christian women to find a way to serve others. Princesses should not see themselves as these wondrous persons whom God has chosen and are gifts to this world, though they are. Princesses should see themselves as ambassadors with the mission of reconciliation to take to the world. And how that is accomplished will depend on the unique nature of the princess.
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